My Lack of Personal Style & Sense of Self
I’m a very eccentric person, whose always been very sure of herself. I grew up experimenting with my style and knowing exactly what I liked. When I was a little girl, I loved making my own accessories and wearing character tees. When I was in middle school, I exclusively wore Sandlot references and sneakers. In high school, I loved the 60s and 70s, and I discovered rock music. I was a hippie dippy little thing, and this is honestly what I think of the most whenever I think of my “style evolution.” It was the most specific style, the longest era, and the time when I started making my own money, buying my own clothes, finding my favorite Goodwills. Enjoy below a collection of fairly calm outfits from one of the most significant eras of Willianny fashion.
During the summer of 2023, my style took another turn, and I started to be a lot more eccentric and carefree. I was weirder and happier. These days, I’m feeling so lost. And let me tell y’all, it really is that damn phone.
Before this year, last year, I’ve never been one to spend a lot of time on my phone, especially not scrolling. I loved Pinterest the most, and never spent hours on end staring at my screen like I do now. I realized it today, when I forced myself to have a calm and relaxing night after wasting away another day on my phone, that I don’t have a strong personal style anymore. I love bright colors, and a little bit of weird, but when I get dressed in the morning its a rotation of the same three pairs of jeans and the same two halter tops. I didn’t even own jeans until I was maybe 17. I was so sure of myself and my style that I knew I didn’t like jeans. Everyday I wear the purple sweatset I bought at garage, knowing I got my first pair of sweatpants last year, after not having them for years because I’m not the kind of person to not put effort into my wardrobe.
I don’t think that my closet does not make me feel inspired. I think it’s that my brain is so fogged and clouded with screen time that I don’t care to style a fun outfit because I just feel like a chill jeans and top today for the 10th day in a row. I genuinely feel like I spend so much time “gathering inspiration” online from all different aesthetics and styles that I don’t know what things I actually like and what things are just being fed to me, and it makes me not care to try in real life; maybe because I don’t have the exact things that I see online that I like. But that’s not what inspiration is. That’s just what consumerism is. And don’t get me wrong, I am the absolute last person (post high school hippie era) to advocate for aesthetics and “cores” and defining labels. Please don’t put yourself in a fashion box. However, I do think that I like almost everything I see styled online, and it’s overwhelming trying to rediscover my personal style when everything intrigues me. Everything shouldn’t intrigue, and wouldn’t if it wasn’t being sold to me in a pretty girls ootd or aesthetic moodboard. I like these things because they’re organized and curated, not because I can truly see myself wearing them.
So, I’ve decided it’s time to rediscover who I am and what my style is. I made a list of different things that I know I like, from clothing to room decor to accessories. Things that can help me shape my personal style. I made this list in what I call my house notebook, a little paperback that lives on my ottoman for when I need to make grocery lists, track my spending, write a reminder, and everything in between. I started this notebook last week with one that I found collecting dust on my craft cart, and it’s been really helpful. Anyway, here’s my non-exhaustive list.
I’m not entirely sure what good this list will do me, but it’s nice to have a clear definitive idea of some important details to my style. I also decided that getting offline is long overdue. I’m going to Miami this weekend to visit a friend, and I’m going to enjoy my book on the train and unplug while we’re together. I want to take a week (at least) off TikTok so I can stop looking for inspiration in a box instead of the world around me. I want to spend a significant amount of time less on Instagram, and just check it when my friends upload a life update. I want to find myself without the outside influence of others, and reconnect with who I am, whether it be a little tomboy or a little hippie girl, or something entirely new and different (definitely something entirely new and different- I do not see myself as that little tomboy or little hippie girl anymore). I’m a little nervous, because I haven’t felt like myself in so long, but I’m more excited to come back to her.
𑣲love, Willi
